Bloody Merry by Theophilus Monroe

Author:Theophilus Monroe [Theophilus Monroe]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: anonymous
Published: 2023-12-06T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 9

I didn’t always know the etymology of brown nosing. Not until a few years ago when I put two and two together. I knew it was like ass kissing. I just didn’t realize the connection between the two phrases. That you get a little brown on your nose when you have your lips buried in someone’s backside. Gross, right? Who even comes up with phrases like that? And why is ass kissing, or brown nosing, supposed to earn someone’s favor?

It’s not like if you put your lips on my ass or your nose in my anus, I’ll suddenly think more highly of you. Quite the opposite, in fact. Language is weird. Just like people who literally kiss butts.

I say all that to make it clear than when I say I had to do a lot of brown nosing in the weeks that followed, I’m speaking metaphorically.

I didn’t see Jector much. He didn’t have time to pay me many visits. Come to find out, world domination and inaugurating the apocalypse really fills your night planner.

Because vampires don’t have day planners—for obvious reasons. Most days involve a lot of ass sitting and television. Sometimes, we read books. Things like that. But Jector was occupied even when the sun was up. I suspected he’d left town, was rallying vampires who’d bought what he was selling, and taking over small nations.

That left me with Jinx. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed. It was weeks or months. Less than a year. Long enough, though, I was starting to fear that I’d never see the djinn again.

If I didn’t see him, I’d never see Mel or Muggs, either. In this world, they were dead.

Thanks to Jector. The nerve for him to think I’d ever bend my knee to his rule after he killed my progenies. Jector’s ego was as big as his aquiline nose. It obstructed his eyes to the point he was blind to what should have been obvious. I’d never be on his side. Not really.

But I’d play along as long as I had to. What other choice did I have? This world was shit already. My only real hope was that if I ever got back to my reality, I’d come back with gifts. Just in time for the holidays. Presents, in the form of knowledge about Jinx, that we could use to take her down.

Ho, ho, ho. That’s what I’d say when I got home. No, not to wish anyone a Merry Christmas. That’s just what I’d call Alice when I saw her again.

But damn it if I didn’t even miss her, the bible-thumping, man-stealing bitch and my former nemesis. She was dead in this world—and as much as I hated to admit it, the world was a better place with Alice in it. Even if it was a slightly more annoying and infuriating place. It was better, nonetheless.

Jinx didn’t trust me with my wand. But they didn’t keep me in silver anymore, so there was that. And from time to time, she brought me a handsome fellow for a bite.

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